What are exaggeration clusters? "Can’t-Stand-It’s or Awfulizing" and "Must's or Should's" are your "B", as referred to in the preceding Section, or your beliefs. These beliefs materialize via your self-talk or thoughts. "Can’t-Stand-It’s or Awfulizing" and "Must's or Should's" often create the emotional consequence of anger, to put this in Ellis's frame of reference from the previous Section.

1. Can’t-stand-it
Have you ever thought the following about another staff member or resident? “I can’t stand you treating me in such an unreasonable and unjust manner.” I call theses exaggeration clusters because they appear in clusters. As you will see "I-can't-stand-it" exaggeration self-talk leads right in to "awfulizing." What do you exactly mean when you say to other staff or yourself…“Can’t-stand-it”? You can't stand what? - the pain, the discomfort, the fear, the stress, energy-less-ness? What? Your "I can't stand it" comes from not being able to stand, put up with, tolerate, bear, endure, withstand something.

Minimize your “can’t-stand-it's”
“Can’t-stand-it's,” which may sound like some rare neurological condition, are just another form of emotional distortion designed to increase your stress level. Here’s how this little number works:

3. Now, utter with conviction: “I can’t stand it when I have to wait in long lines!”; “I hate it when I’m caught in traffic!” Your turn… you can’t stand it when…. what happens at the facility!”

When you say and believe that you can’t stand, hate, despise, or loath something, your emotional temperature rises, and you become more upset —more stressed — than you would if you merely disliked that same something. Even though you may not like the hassles and frustrations you’re confronted with, you don’t have to go ballistic and explode with inflated rage: “I just hate traffic (or crowds, lines, rude people, and so on)!”

When you really believe you can’t stand something, you produce a great deal of internal stress,
far more than is warranted by the situation or circumstance.

Now that you have experience escalating an “I don’t like it” situation into an “I can’t stand it” situation, let’s go the other way and deescalate the situation.
To deescalate, ask yourself:
• Can I really not stand it, or do I really mean I do not like it?
• Is my over-reacting “I can’t stand it” self talk helping me in any way? Or is it really making things worse?
• Couldn’t I really stand it for quite a bit longer? And if someone were willing to fork over really big bucks, couldn’t I stand this for even longer?

Downgrade your I-can't-stand-it: Now look at the two "I can't it stand it" statements you wrote above. You wrote one regarding a situation outside of the facility, and one inside of the facility. Rewrite and downgrade your "I can't stand it" statement into milder terms. For example start with: I don't like… I don't care for… I am unhappy with...

See if your stress level decrease when you change, “I can’t stand it when Wendy does not give Hazel the Yarn Winding I left in Hazel’s room.” to “I feel disappointed when Wendy does not give Hazel the Yarn Winding I left in Hazel’s room.”

2. Awfulizing
Self talk like, “How awful! You treated me so unfairly,” can be called “awfulizing.” Like "I can't stand it" exaggerations, how often do you find yourself exploding the event you wrote above in section 1 out of proportion and making it “awful,” instead of just unpleasant? Let me repeat that same sentence, because it definitely bears repeating. I'll even put it in a box for easy reference. J

How often do you find yourself exploding your "I-can't-stand-it" or "awful" event out of proportion,
rather than just labeling the event as "unpleasant"?

Can you see how the choice is yours? Your stress comes from what Ellis would call the B of the ABC's in the previous Section. Your stress comes from your belief regarding what did or didn't happen.
1. Whether the CNA gives activity projects to zero or 10 residents that had projects in Activity Bags left in their room...
**2. The CNA’s behavior is not what caused your stress.
3. Your stress is caused by your interpretation or labeling of the event. You thought "I-can't-stand-it!" Oh maybe you did not use these exact words in your self talk, but in some form you labeled an event as unacceptable.
4. Then it was your choice to "awfulize" it. You went to the next part of the exaggeration cluster and told yourself and/or others how awful it was that the CNA, Wendy, once again didn't give Hazel her Yarn Winding.
5. The problem with exaggeration clusters is that there is a grain of truth in them. Yes, it is true that Wendy had been instructed to give Hazel the Yarn Winding
6. But what you decide to do with the piece of information regarding Wendy not giving Hazel the Yarn Winding is totally in your control.

It is not the situation that is stressful. It is your belief or your perception regarding the situation,
your self-talk, your thoughts about the situation that act like a filter or lense that colors your entire world.

So go back and look at the "I-can't-stand-it" situation that felt awful above. Ask yourself…

What do I need to go inside of myself to downgrade my labeling of a situation
at the facility from "awful" to merely "unpleasant?"

How to Stop “awfulizing”
Put most simply, awfulizing is making a molehill into a mountain. With very little effort, you can turn an everyday hassle into a major tragedy. If you are a novice in this area, here are some instructions as to how to become a better awfulizer:

1. Find some commonly occurring situation or event at the facility with the potential to stress you in some way. Using an example from outside the facility, make it “waiting in a slow check-out line at the grocery store.”
2. Now, exaggerate the importance and meaning of this situation. Say to yourself: “Oh my gosh, this is the worst thing that could happen to me!! I can’t believe it! This is terrible! This is awful!” It adds to the effect if you can summon up a pained look on your face as you stand in the checkout line and say these things to yourself.

By escalating a mere hassle or inconvenience into a catastrophe, you also elevate your stress levels. The reality is, unless you are about to be married in 20 minutes, having to wait in a check-out line, being stuck in traffic, or not finding the remote for your TV is just a small hassle or inconvenience, and if viewed as such, will decrease the stress in your day. Clearly you probably have no problem elevating your bigger hassles into "awful" events. These can be emotionally exaggerated and blown out of proportion, thus creating more stress for you than is necessary.

Can’t-stand-it and awfulizing Exaggeration Cluster: “I can’t stand talking in front of large groups of strangers. Maybe I’ll fall down! Maybe I’ll faint!”: “How awful if I can’t manage things.” This is another form of awfulizing. It may be unfortunate if you hesitate during your volunteer recruitment talk, but saying your can't-stand-it or it is awful is an exaggeration created in your thoughts or self-talk.

Rethinking your "Can't-stand-it" or "Awfulizing" Exaggerated View: What does it mean anyway that you cannot stand talking in front of large groups? Does it mean you will die? Does it mean that you will run out of the room? Write below what you mean by “not standing” something.

Usually if your "I-can't-stand-it's," which lead to "awfulizing," go unchecked they often result in the next Exaggeration Cluster called the "Must's and Should's." Or sometimes, "must's" and "should's" just evolve on their own without going through the "I can't stand it" and "awfulizing' exaggeration cluster. How do the "musts" and "should's" sound in your self-talk?

“You should not, must not, behave that way!” is sometimes called “Must and should Thinking.” The unwritten laws and unnamed threats you hold for others in the facility often lead to your stress response and anger and other emotional consequences.

Let's talk about "must's and should's"
"What’s that?" you ask. "Now are you saying I need to eliminate "must" and "should" from my vocabulary? I mean, there is nothing wrong with these statements. People shouldn’t be rude, insensitive, and unfair!" You are right. There would be nothing wrong with these statements, if they were merely preferences, or a prescription for a better world.

When others (even you, for that matter) violate one of your unrealistic demands, you find yourself morally judging that person, and becoming indignant, angry, etc. And there will be lots to get stressed about in the facility, because staff probably often do not and will not follow your rules and guidelines for “correct behavior.”

Disputing your "must's and should's"
Give up these rigid demands and replace them with healthier, more flexible, preferences. Try saying to yourself:
• “It would be great if Effie wasn't taken out of Sing-a-Long for her shower.” Rather than, “Effie must attend Sing-a-Long.”.

Do you see how the preceding has downgraded the emotional charge from your "must's and should's"?

Whenever you suspect you may be using an unrealistic "must," “should,” or “shouldn’t,” challenge this thinking, and ask yourself the following two questions:
• Is my "should" really a disguised "must" or a "have-to?" Am I really making a demand in disguise?

- Based upon Charlesworth PhD, Edward A. and Ronald G. Nathan PhD; Stress Management: A Comprehensive Guide to Wellness; Ballantine Books: New York; 2004

Stress Reduction Journaling Exercise
Recognize these two Exaggeration clusters

ActivityProfessional.Com Login